digestible, and volatile part II

So I’m going through my somewhat typical mid morning routine, on a weekday. I work 2nd shift you see, and I can get up in the middle of the morning without feeling bad, and getting phone calls from co-workers. However, I do dread going in, and becoming a machine for 8-12 hours. It builds character though, I guess.
Anyways, I’m flipping through channels after I decide In the Heat of the Night isn’t that appealing to me today. I find myself turning to TBN just in time to catch “Billy Graham Classics” I like good ol’ Billy, so I decided to keep it there. Low and behold I hear this familiar baritone voice, and then see the face. IT’S JOHNNY CASH…

I was very excited about this knowing that this artist has a story to tell. Further more the honesty of this man is rather straight forward, and raw. I might’ve recognized the song he was singing, though I wasn’t paying attention. I was more focused on what he was doing there. I was trying to to guess the time period by the clothes, and the quality of the broadcast. I would say late 60′s mid 70′s. The reason I did that was because this particular event was held at the Texas Stadium which is 65,000 capacity. Might’ve been a little over 60,000 folks there for this. Just wondering if they named dropped The Man in Black. Lo and Behold, you have entertainment, and a popular preacher guy. You get to meet famous people if you come to this.

Now, more on the reason for me guessing the time frame. This was obviously well before the innovation of the computer, and internet. Which obviously makes hype a lot more easier to create, and tours a lot more easier to get a hold of. We all know with the technology and communication at the time a couple of the bigger resources for media was radio, and record players. You wouldn’t even know what the musician looks like until you go to the concert sometimes.

Amazing how times have changed, and according to my grandparents, and parents for the worse. Which is why I guess I’m writing this, and decided to bring Johnny Cash up. I think a good amount of people know this, which is totally going to shock some of the comfortable christians out there. Did you know that Johnny covered a song from NINE INCH NAILS?! One of the more straight forward anti God, humanist bands out there?! I don’t say this judgmentally, or to be a prude. After studying the lyrics, and undertones to the albums, I have come to this conclusion. I mean I could be wrong. However from an artists’ standpoint it’s all open interpretation right?! I say this because a redeemed man decided to cover a song called “Hurt” that the infamous mogul Trent Reznor wrote. The passion behind this song surpasses some of the most empty superficial worship songs of this day.

The hurt, and raw honesty found in the human condition is found in this song. Look it up should you have the courage to delve into the darkest parts of our minds, and souls. And don’t tell me I’m promoting an anti Christ message. Well, you can, I’ll just give you a smirk, and walk away. Coming back around to one of the most famous evangelists EVER, Billy Graham. I’m sure him, and Johnny had some time to talk. And their personalities are definitely different. This is how we’re created. To be unique, and to be separate. This is a concept I’m afraid some christian coffee shop snobs will never seem to grasp. And I’m okay with that. Because when you see us walking the streets of glory, we’ll be too busy to bring up these differences. We will be going to see The King. Because He came to see us, here in our shells…

digestible, and volatile part I

I am sitting outside of a local coffee shop in Bellefontaine, OH grateful for the warm cafe au-lait that I am consuming. Considering it is a brisk saturday evening, and I thought it wise to not carry a hoodie with me. The reason I am here is because there is a concert going on. One that is of significance, and a fairly big deal. It’s one of those concerts that are mellow, and really mainstream pop driven. And to make it even better it’s marketed to “the christian audience” 

I can dig it, because I’m a fan of ministry, and sometimes we need refreshing. And by we I mean believers.  Believers of a God who blesses the righteous, the clean, the american worker, the republican. Or not… 

Am I being a little facetious right now? ABSOLUTELY!!!

I believe in a just God, and with that being said, and my personality along with my background, and cultural tastes. I’m thinking it’s safe to believe I’m not in the crowd that can go along blind in the daily comforts of their cliques, and structure.

I am not saying it’s wrong to live comfortably, and to have a persona that fits that of a good boy/girl highschool prep. I am however saying it’s wrong to talk to me like I’m a 4 year old. If only you knew as you gathered in your little groups at Tim Hortons. I can easily dance circles around you folks by pretending I’m an atheist, and love every minute of it. However I’ll digress from that. My zeitgeist and Kony 2012 blog will come soon enough. 

I’ll just say this, because I know that christianity is a society within a society. And while we may not get it right, we can sure as hell is hot co exist. At least I think so. At least… I hope so… 

Remember, Jesus was a filthy individual when He was a man. However people like Nicodemus decided that this outcast had some wisdom to share. So much so, that this man was probably willing to believe he needed to crawl back into his mother if Jesus wanted to lead him that direction. 

Just something to chew on, and then spit out, or you know, whatever… 

Oh, and if you only knew the volatile ridiculousness that the easily consumed “christian” music industry entailed. Well, some of you may think it’s okay. However that’s not the issue, but let’s pretend it is anyways to sleep better at night. 

An inspiring note. A Jewish friend’s trip to Germany.

The following note/blog is written by someone who has incredible zeal for The Creator. It’s rather gripping, and compelling to say the least.

When Rob dropped me off at the Philadelphia airport, I kept telling him how weird it was to be going to Germany. I mentioned to him that out of all the countries on Earth, the country I had the least interest in ever visiting was Germany. When Rob puts on his classic opera music, which I don’t really like, I have been particularly freaked out if the singing is in German. I have two really good friends from Germany, but still, the place creeps me out. And when people in my own local area (which was settled by immigrants from Germany) have expressed any sort of “German pride” I am really repulsed. So God tricked me. In pursuit of getting to see more of the inside of the 24/7 prayer movement, and wanting to make some connections for prayer for the middle east, I somehow got tricked into buying a plane ticket to Germany. I told Rob when he dropped me off, “And by the way, I have absolutely no interest in sight-seeing, and especially no interest in visiting a concentration camp.”

OK, so here I am in Germany, trying not to think too much about that fact of this weird little trip.. and tonight I went up to the temporary prayer room which is assembled on the roof of this youth hostel… and conspicuously, there was this older hippy guy with a dog in the prayer room. He was definitely not the normal conference crowd. Nor was the collie in the prayer room with him. And tonight is Yom Kippur, the holiest night of the year on the Jewish calendar, and I am in Germany.

I ended up sitting next to him, the guy with the dog, and at some point, I didn’t understand the words to a song, and asked him if he did. In a thick German accent, he gave me the translation. And then we made some small talk, and I told him I am an American and this is my first time in Germany… He asked if I was Jewish… and I told him I am. I told him it is hard for me to be in Germany. That when I look out the window, I can’t stop thinking of the ashes of millions of people that are in the air, in the ground, in the water. It’s hard for me not to feel it. It’s hard for me to look past it and focus on the present time. He was incredibly understanding. With great grief, he bowed his head low to me and said that it was right for the sons of Germany to bow to the sons of the Jews. And my heart wripped open and tears spilled everywhere. Soo many people, so many! I couldn’t make the grief stop! I couldn’t stop feeling the blood crying out from the ground, everywhere. Hippy guy Peter took my hand and we both cried our guts out. I couldn’t stop. This was so unreal, so unexpected…so much pain!! We prayed and prayed…somehow I could bless Peter and Germany and yet the grief would come over and over… he cried as I blessed him, I cried as a fresh vision of dead children came to me over and over.. Somehow it eventually gave way to peace and I realized that this was some sort of intercession. Together hippy guy and I prayed to bind up the spirit of anti-semitism over the whole earth. We prayed against abortion in the US and the world. A bunch of 20-something girls from the conference kept looking at me, crying and praying with the crazy hippy dude with the dog, like what on earth is she doing? It was an amazing night.

I found in my email, the day I landed in Germany, a message about a mediation appointment with a student I taught last year who was proclaiming “Hail Hitler” at me over and over in my classroom. I had waited almost a year without hearing a thing about the court case (the school pressed charges) – and suddenly the day I come to Germany, the mediators contacted me about setting up an appointment with the student and his parents. I think maybe there is a lot more spiritual stuff going on with me involving Germany than I had ever been conscious of, and God is dealing with it, and releasing something here. Much to my surprise.

From Germany – Yom Kippur 5772

So… human…

We’ll press on through the night. Another agenda, another face. No one can stop us now because we’re right. Despite that tugging feeling inside our hearts. This organ that started beating upon conception that we deny. Threads that cannot possibly exist. It’s all a sham, just another mechanism meant to control us. Never mind our vices, we can stop anytime. It’s all about choice right?

As the previous was just a summary of this modern society’s thought process, I can’t help but notice the absolute “it is” attitude. This pride, and this arrogance we have to make such a claim. This is the evidence of our seeking truth, and perhaps eternity. Even though they’ll deny it. They’ll say it’s just something to hold over one’s head. Because let’s face it, America is a land of opportunity. The place where freedom of speech is often practiced with such fervent passion. That is until the believers are slowly but surely silenced. Then it’s just empty musings of a desperate human seeking for something other than accountability.

Tragedies bring us together, and ideas separate once again. Bringing The Truth so close just to be pushed away. Agenda after agenda will come into place as those that were once strong are worn down. Being left only to rely on what they should have been in the first place. I wonder when politics started to become a fad. I often think about how this wayward generation has all of a sudden taken an interested in those that “serve our country” Maybe it’s true. Maybe it is the system.

We’ll talk about morality, and choice. We’ll even go as far as to talk about co existing. I wish this were possible my dear, I wish we were all that bold. However we are not. We, are simply human. Further more, we have even begun to dig into consequence, as well as cause and effect. We’ll ponder on the idea of heaven, and yes some of us, on the idea of hell.

To be honest I wish there wasn’t such a place. A place of damnation, and eternal torment. However our ideas of justice convince me that’s not the case. I believe it is real, I believe in love, and hate. I believe in good, and evil. While we talk about compassion, tolerance and acceptance, we’ll rejoice at the death of tyrants. With that being said, I don’t see any victims of the holocaust, or 9/11 roaming the earth. I don’t see how this would bring our loved ones back. Further more, I can’t even begin to understand… I can’t even begin to utter the thoughts in my head without cringing. This looming observation. We’ll continue to help people, and be good humans. All while the bad humans are gone, and in essence “gasp” put out of their misery. They are no longer in any danger of feeling any sort of pain. Nothing. No purpose. Just… Gone…

I didn’t choose this

I am The Swamp Fox, You are the masses. State of the progress is obsolete as truth is. We need a revolution, don’t look at me. Although I’d like to. I can’t set you free…

GLORY, GLORY
The Emperor tells us this story.
GLORY, HALLELUJAH
We are a chosen generation.

I am salvation according to regress. Carrying the burden of a saint. A sinner I am, and Grace stays the same. I now know the difference between struggle, and defiance…

This had to be done, I think.

DISCLAIMER: I am not in love, nor do I want something I can never have. This is just a vent, and an observation. And certain phrases are meant to be taken as they are, and not expounded upon. Also, if you can pick up on sarcasm, that would be fabulous. I’m just being real, and honest…

So, here it goes.

I have been at “single” status for three, and a half to four years now. Besides a weird two and a half week whatever it was. Which I don’t believe counts as a relationship. I haven’t really seemed to have interest, or maybe I’m just ridiculously clueless, and can’t take hints. Maybe I’m closed off, because let’s face it. I haven’t exactly had the best of relationships. I’m partly to blame for this in some way probably. However I’m pretty sure at least two of my exes are jezebel incarnates. One other is actually my favorite, and I kicked myself in the rear for being a jerk and letting that one go. Turns out it’s for the best though.

Just kidding about the jezebel incarnate thing by the way. I don’t have any ill will against them. Just rather not have that much contact, that’s all. Moved on, and my friends will beat me up if I got back with them anyways. I think I’d harm myself in some weird way as well. Like sit through a whole marathon of glee episodes. That would be a sobering experience eh?

So, I guess I’m going to be a little transparent, and say I have those little cute feelings again. However feelings are feelings, and to be honest I’ve learned that they can be pretty ridiculous. My paranoia kicks in, and I start pondering on conversations, and my very poor attempts to get attention. This is a period of two years mind you. So I have a lot of anguish that’s really unnecessarily caused by my stupidity. There have been times where even my attempts to use the “I’m in a band” card had failed MISERABLY. Now don’t get upset folks. As the upright perfect christian gentleman that I am. I didn’t use that to pick up them there heathen groupies at a local show, or behind some dive bar. Nope, I used that line to try and impress good christian girls that may be into that stuff. Even if they didn’t seem like they were, I would always keep in mind. “opposites attract”

Anyways, during these moments of meeting girls I’ve had a lot of thoughts rush through my mind. Here is an example of some: “Ope, she smiled at me. Maybe she’s just really nice.” “Ah, she shook my hand, and now striking up conversation. This is going good, hey her friend’s pretty hot too. Ahhh, which one?!?!” “Neat, she plays guitar as well.”(quite a few of them by the way) “Oh yeah… … … … Yeah she’s annoying.” “Do I smell funny?” “Man, I have 80′s hair, she must think I look like a dork.” “So, she made the point of being a single mother, hmm. Yeah not doing that again.”

Then, the infamous “Oh, maybe, she’s the one?”

Sometimes I also find myself battling with my little nervous twitches. It has been said, and observed by a friend that I sometimes dance around a little as well.I also try to impress them with my wit, and humor. In all reality though, I’m fairly witty these days. I like to have intellectual, deep conversation when I can. However I think I go the extra mile sometimes when it comes to dealing with the ones that I take a special interest in. I guess I want them to think I’m smart, and funny? How often have you heard those two attributes described by someone who finds reason to be with someone?

So, all is said and done. I’m pretty happy with myself for the most part. Either I’m driving home jamming to Celldweller, Deftones, Chevelle, to name a few. Or I’m cruising down the road with my buddies, talking about the successful evening. Now, some experiences I would call a success was that of cultivating a friendship. That I have no problem with. Although jealously ensues for awhile, that’s okay. I’ll take it like a man and move on. Of course then I’ll make excuses, and try to lick these wounds. I know, I know I’m a baby. There’s a lot worse emotionally than getting rejected. I should be used to it by now.

I can’t help but think sometimes though, that I’m a neat guy. I’m cool, and hip, and I think I gave that impression. Well now, aren’t I just the humble type?! Looking back, I think I may have tried just a little too hard. Just a little. Or maybe not hard enough. I dunno.

In closing, upon thinking about these encounters I am prompted to lock myself in my room, light incense, bang my head up against the wall, and play a guitar accompaniment to my song regarding my quarter century life angst. I think all this could have been avoided you see? I could have saved hours upon hours of silliness by uttering this simple phrase. “Hi, I’m a huge tool.”

love is a four letter word. really, it is.

I can’t really get this out of my mind. I just can’t let this go. I’ll not stand by and let these superficial feeling take over. Like a leech it’s supposed to be beneficial, however I still have a hard time believing it. It’s still clinging on, and as ugly as sin. You know, christian has become a word that has no weight or meaning in my opinion. It has been for quite some time. I think people forget that it derived from observations made from people in the apostles’ day.

I think when the far left, and whatever bring up Jesus in arguments. They seem to always forget, that He was actually a pretty straight forward individual. He wasn’t afraid of offending anybody. Of course being God The Son most certainly has it’s advantages. Although, I think He needs not to take advantage of anything. Everybody who encountered The Son of God has felt this extreme passion, and they have heard these intense words. “Go, and sin no more.” “Your sins are forgiven, and you are healed.”

Anyways, when people talk about morality. One of my favorites being taking care of the poor, and the placement of welfare. They always seem to forget about Jesus actually working for a living. These arguments are just another part of an agenda, that looks past the right examples being set. Typical rhetoric that will quickly burn away.

Society obviously has these different views on love. From what I see, apparently abc family, and MTV have it right. I really wish these parents would send these kids on these show to bed without dinner sometimes. However that’s just me, and I’ll not impose on another human being’s poor choices. I think I will try to show more compassion though.

They say that it is offensive, and absurd to tell people they’re wrong. Tolerance must be put in place for a bunch of people to co exist. The problem with a society with an agenda is simply this. That’s all it is, an agenda. Nothing more, and nothing less. They just want to be right, and what’s popular apparently is. However, like I said at the beginning I can’t let this go. You may consider this a hate crime. Then so be it. So here it goes.

Without Jesus there is no hope. All he wants is for you to give Him attention. You don’t need to be perfect to accept a perfect God. He’ll take you as you are. If you have breath in you, I promise you matter. You have a purpose, despite what the unbelieving world says. I’m personally still trying to figure out why they feel there is a purpose behind not having one?!

Hell was reserved for the demons, and the adversary. NOT YOU. However you have a choice. Now that I said that, I have no blood on my hands. With that being said, I’m still in the dark about current policies put in place. I love someone enough to warn them about eternal torment, and that results in sensitivity, and tolerance training.